"Fraser" realized he hated asking others for help...

What happens when the independence that helped someone succeed leaves life feeling a bit flat?

“Fraser” was in his fifties and, by most external measures, life had gone well. He had built a successful career, was financially secure, and had family and friends around him. From the outside, things looked good.

But internally, life felt a bit flat. Something was missing, though he found it hard to say exactly what.

Fraser had always had a strong independent streak.

But independence had a downside. Fraser noticed that he really didn’t like relying on other people. In fact, he hated asking for help.

This realization emerged during a Human Interaction Lab® run by the NTL Institute. The Lab gives participants the chance to explore how they relate to others and to experiment with new behaviors in a relatively safe environment.

In conversation, Fraser acknowledged he felt uncomfortable relying on others or accepting help. A facilitator suggested a simple physical exercise so Fraser could experience what it was like to receive help from others. He agreed to try it.

During the week he used the Lab to experiment with some new behaviors: sharing more about himself, talking about feelings, and being more open about some of the challenges he was facing.

Did Fraser have a sudden epiphany? No.
Did life immediately look different when he left the Lab? Not really.

But something had shifted.

In the months that followed, Fraser noticed small changes in himself. He began sharing more of what was really happening in his life, including difficult experiences such as bereavement in the family and setbacks at work. He was more likely to ask for help, and to accept it when it was offered.

Over time, he noticed something else as well: he felt more connected to the people around him.

For Fraser, that was the biggest gift of the week.

Many of us pride ourselves on being independent. Fraser discovered that sometimes the harder, and more rewarding, move is letting others help.