Why Healthcare Leaders Think They’re Listening (But Aren’t)

Why Healthcare Leaders Think They’re Listening (But Aren’t)

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During my 17 years in clinical practice, I thought that I had refined my ability to listen. I’d listened to patients give their story while typing notes into our EHR. I’d caught up on charting and writing prescriptions while listening to family members on the phone. So, when I made the transition into healthcare leadership, I figured I was all set.

I was well prepared to read email while on Zoom, to have my laptop open so that I could type proposals during in-person meetings, and to carry on a conversation while making sure I didn’t miss a relevant comment being made somewhere else in the room. Sure, I thought I was ready. I just didn’t realize that I was going about it all wrong.

While I was physically present for every conversation, meeting, or phone call, I was mentally in about a thousand places at the same time. My wife put it kindly when she told me that she felt I was never truly present—that, rather than focusing on who and what was right in front of me, my mind was either stuck in the past or looking to the future.

The Multitasking Illusion: When “Strengths” Become Weaknesses

The problem with her statement wasn’t that it was untrue; it was that I actually celebrated my way of thinking. I figured that my ability to rapidly shift my attention was one of the reasons I had been given the opportunity to move from clinical work to the C-suite.

Isn’t that what all leaders do? Otherwise, how could they possibly finish all their work, attend non-stop Zoom meetings, find time to scarf down food during the day, and then manage to get home at a reasonable hour? Of course, the definition of reasonable varied anywhere from 6 to 10pm. When people told me that I was one of the best multitaskers they knew I considered that a badge of honor.

Wow, I thought—validation that people feel I’m successfully navigating the jungle that is healthcare administration and still giving them the attention they need

The 360 Reality Check

If the words from my wife weren’t enough to convince me otherwise (and I strongly advise others to listen carefully to spousal advice—it’s free and often the most honest you’ll ever get), the results of my 360 evaluation spoke loud and clear. Comments included “I’m never really sure he’s listening” or “I know he cares, but I never feel I have his full attention.”

I was crushed. Light bulbs started to go on in my head, revealing that my multitasking badge of honor was really a scarlet “M”, that by trying to hold onto everything at once, I was actually holding onto nothing at all.

The First Step: Choosing to Listen

I took the feedback and started asking myself new questions. What did my wife mean by being present? If it’s more than just being there for the meeting, conversation, or phone call, then what exactly is it and why is the difference so important?

Many of you may be nodding your heads as you read this, either because you’ve been in the same spot or because you’re thinking that presence is a choice—one that I obviously hadn’t made. That when we engage with others, we can opt to truly listen to what they’re telling us so that we catch the meaning behind their words, or we can simply nod our heads and wait to respond.

There are certainly prices to pay when we don’t listen carefully. Growth comes from seeing things differently and broadening our perspective. Pretty hard to do that when we think we already know what people are going to say or are paying attention only to what we feel is relevant to us.

Beyond Listening: Creating Space

OK, so I made the choice to be a better listener. Did that make me a better leader? Sure it did, but I realized that it was only the first step of a longer journey. Even if I decided to really hear what people were saying, they had to feel that it was worth saying anything at all. How would they know that I was paying attention rather than bobble-heading while I was thinking about the EHR upgrade coming next week?

That was the next part of the equation. I could turn off my phone and my computer screen, make sincere eye contact, and respond when appropriate. I could do all these things, but presence isn’t a one-way road. My willingness wasn’t enough. Presence is more of a partnership, a giving and receiving. It’s an opportunity, a gift that comes when someone offers us the chance to listen and offer something in return.

So, the next question was: How do I create the space where it feels natural for them to open up?

The Spotlight Problem

A few things came to mind and may sound familiar to many of you. I realized that whenever someone described a personal or work-related experience, I responded by sharing one of my own that I felt was similar. I noticed that even when I listened, there was a threshold beyond which my mind started to wonder when they’d finish. Not necessarily the last thing, but possibly the most important, was that my mind remained focused only on the part of the conversation or meeting that had a direct impact on me or my team.

I didn’t need lots of light bulbs to see the problem here. What became clear was that there was a spotlight, one pointed directly at me because I was shifting the focus verbally or mentally towards myself.

In order to truly be present in a conversation the question can’t be “what’s in it for me”, it has to be “how can I best serve others”. And we can’t just listen. We have to ask.

When we ask questions to seek more clarity we’re also making it clear that we’re paying attention. Even better, when we ask the questions that help bring clarity to others we show that we care about what they’re trying to accomplish.

All this may not get you the attention you feel you deserve or the final word in a board meeting, but it will create that sense of emotional safety when others realize that you want to hear what they have to say and want to better understand what it means for them.

The Takeaway for Healthcare Leaders

Given that I’m writing this blog on the MEDI website you pretty much know how this story ends, but I think it’s important to summarize what I learned on my journey from clinical practice to the C-suite and then to Executive Coaching. Here’s the Cliff Notes version:

• We don’t get credit for just being there physically; we have to be there mentally as well.
• While we may view multitasking as a skilled focus on lots of things at once, others see it as a focus on nothing at all.
• Listening isn’t enough, we have to create an environment where others are motivated to actually speak.

So What Do You Do Now?

First things first, go home and see what your spouse thinks. Then check with a few colleagues. Do you listen with presence, or are you simply present? If you pass that test, then you may well be good to go.

For the other 99% of us, consider starting by creating that safe space that motivates others to speak. Don’t just put down your cell phone during meetings, turn it over. Even better, put it on “do not disturb mode” (for those of you who aren’t sure what that is, Google has great directions for iPhone and Android). Close that laptop, even if you don’t think the discussion is directly relevant to you. And last, but certainly not least, ask questions. Questions that show you heard the words that were spoken and those that weren’t.

It will then become apparent to your staff that you see presence not as an option or a choice, but as a privilege. As a leader, it’s one of the greatest privileges we have, because it provides us with the ability to support our teams. And isn’t that what great leadership is all about?